What I don't know about China

Moving to another country is a strange process. You decide you're going to do it, and then, months later, you begin to find out what you've got yourself in for. There is a correlation between the steadily developing realisation of just how little I actually understand about my destination and the declining opportunities to get out of it.


What the hell. Surely it will work out ok, right?


I do already know some things about China. Like the fact that it's an important trading partner, it holds one fifth of the world's population and is the origin of an intensely engaging tile game, which appears to me to be entirely insurmountable. Unfortunately none of these gems are actually useful pieces of information in advance of moving to the place. So, I've been spending a lot of time recently—as any good member of the gen Y cohort should—reading blogs about China.


This is what I've learned:


1. Chinese food is awesome
Everyone, everywhere, with any kind of gastronomic persuasion, loves Chinese food. Particularly street food. In all my electronic travels, I've seen only one bad reflection on the local foods, and, judging by that blogger's pictures of the food, I would think that might be related to their personal choices. Who orders a sausage and egg burger in Beijing?


All other opinions have been decidedly enthused about the food in China, and I'm looking forward to permanent, round the clock access to fresh dumplings, unidentifiable skewered meats and bowls of steaming spiced goodness.


2. No ovens
But how shall I bake chocolate cakes on a stovetop? And how many recipes can I actually cook if I can't roast the vegies? Let's be optimistic and assume #1 subsumes #2 ... or I'll just get really skinny.


3. China is big
Coming from the great down under, I like to assert my proud 'strayan identity by assuming nobody else in the world understands the pleasure of a good long distance drive. Wrong! The distance from Beijing to Shanghai is 1266 kilometres. That's more than the distance between Canberra and Brisbane! One time I almost died twice while driving that road ... although I'm guessing I won't see too many roos jumping out in front of me in the PRC. China is the fourth largest country (in terms of total area) in the world! I won't leave you hanging on what the first three are—don't you hate when people do that?—it's Russia, Canada and then the United States. Australia is sixth.


Just the first of many ignorant ego-centric opinions that will be cast into the fires of Mount Doom in the course of my redventures.


4. Mandarin is hard. Really hard.
What? You mean I have to learn a tonal language and an entirely new set of characters? Oh, don't worry, I only need to learn 3-4 thousand of them to have a functional understanding! This is where I decide to moderate my expectations. I will not learn Mandarin by the time my redventures are over. And I will struggle to communicate on a daily basis with everyone around me.


But, I will try my hardest. I really enjoy learning languages, despite it being hard and unsteady and sometimes entirely unrewarding. An Italian teacher once likened learning language to a (very steep and tall) staircase, characterised by jumps and plateaus. It's certainly not a steady incline. But that's the best thing about learning, isn't it?


So far the most useful words I know are:
- Jiǎozi (dumplings!)
- Wǒ yào 6 bāo jiǎozi (I want 6 dumplings)
- Hào chī (tasty)
- Wǒ yào 12 bāo jiǎozi (I want 12 dumplings)
- Tài guìle (too expensive)
- Nàlǐ shì gōnggòng cèsuǒ (where is the public toilet?)


And all sorts of other fun things.